The Curse of Empathy

I think one of the most disappointing things is others treating you differently than you had treated them. No matter how much empathy, patience, and love you give, it is heartbreaking to find that it isn't valued as you'd hoped. And with that, comes feeling like you aren't wanted in a situation you had interpreted differently. Maybe I'm a bit soft, but at times, I feel as though my empathy is a curse. I wish it was a switch to be turned off when it becomes damaging. But there is so much we don't say to each other. So many kind words, so many words with the power to mend. Yet, silence feels comfortable. To acknowledge the way we feel validates us, it makes our thoughts feel valuable and powerful and profound again. In so many situations, I wish I could tell those around me how I feel. That I appreciate their kindness, I love the jokes they tell, and I think that their hearts are so pure and full of love. But I am so afraid to tell people the ways in which I love them. I wrote a note to myself a few weeks ago, and reading it today offered some meaningful and much needed guidance. "Stop fearing that no one else will love you if you let someone go. People love you, they will continue to love you."  Though I (rarely) find value in my past writings, this offered me a bit of comfort. Too often, I find myself consumed with making those around me satisfied, even if it has nothing to do with my own interests. And as much as I love seeing those I love happy, it is not always my responsibility to do so. This is all a jumble of random thoughts, but what I am trying to inch a bit closer to is the idea that empathy is powerful. Compassion is powerful. Patience is powerful. It is these things that bring us closer to the people we are lucky to love, that allow us to feel a little less small.