S

as I walk past your door frame

I give in to the temptation 

and lie across your comforter.

And as I look at the ceiling

I think how funny it would be

if you just magically appeared

sitting in your chair,

a sight I had become so familiar with. 

I am almost happy, smiling.

Then I think back to the morning you left, and how easy it was. 

That I've only cried once since you've been gone, and it was in privacy.

And I know

that this lack of feelings 

is simply my own orchestrated presentation.

That I have lacked the courage to stay goodbye in my own way, a concept I despise.

As I sit up, 

tears well in my eyes

and I feel as though all my walls

are being broken down. 

I am frightened 

and quickly rush out of the room.

Not here,

Not now.

I tell myself.

but to hide from emotion, 

doesn't make you any stronger.